I have a tendency to overanalyse - my actions, thoughts, feelings, choices, and those of others. It's amazing how your emotions can change so quickly and unpredictably. Last night I went to bed, anticipating difficulty getting to sleep as Mr Green was away. I suddenly remembered I had some birthday presents from a lovely relative and contrary to my usual strict delaying of gratification principles I decided to open them. In bed. By myself. So, excitement and a sense of naughtiness mounting, I opened the beautifully wrapped presents, all of which we're thoughtful and lovely.after opening them I was struck with an overwhelming feeling of sadness as I immediately began to really strongly miss my mum. I can't believe it's been nearly five years since she died. I wonder what she would think of me now? What would she have given me for my birthday? What would we have done to celebrate? What plans would we be making for Christmas? This time of year is always hard, partly because the festivities highlight her absence and partly because it's the time of year she became very ill. I also started to really miss my lovely cat, who died nearly two years ago. I had some really strong memories pop up of him snuggling up on the bed with me and patting my face. So, I couldn't sleep, again...Then, this morning the children were all excited about my birthday, gave me lovely, thoughtful presents and a warm fuzzy glow. Until it was time to leave for the bus to school. And they didn't get ready on time. And firstborn ignored my requests to let the dog in and the chickens out. And the little ones kept playing instead of getting their shoes on. And firstborn and middle child hurt each other on purpose. And I was furious! We rushed to nursery to drop off littlest, rushed to the bus stop, got to school on time and managed to make our peace with each other on the way. Then I found a lovely surprise gift on my desk. Now I am excited about seeing mr Green and lovely brothers and opening my special present and fizzy wine. I have indulged in the guilty pleasure of buying myself a little box of birthday chocolates and despite the drizzly day I have found pleasure in the little things, like a heart shaped leaf, a friendly (usually grumpy) shop assistant and some time to be creative. I do count my blessings and I do take note of simple pleasure. You have to. So tonight I will raise a glass to loved ones and look forward to life's adventures.